*looooong post ahead! Erm..enjoy?😂*
And so this week marks the 20-week of this little one in my body
But if you have been following my insta stories you’d also know by then i have been in and out of the hospital during this period of time. So here i am jotting down this little eventful journey
I am blessed with 2 beautiful children, Rae and Jiunn, in 2 smooth pregnancy, and with me as a pescetarian, they were born naturally without epidural in 3.7 and 3.75kg respectively. My husband and i had been joking of having another one in the family, as both of us also come from a family of 5 (with me being 3 girls, and 3 boys on his side), but never taking things too seriously.
One day in August there was some unusual bleeding happened, and following that month i was feeling nausea and fatigue. However it was also a busy time for me both in family and calligraphy work, so i brushed it aside and continued to work till middle of the night like i used to, because that’s the only quiet me time that i got for myself
However the fatigue and no appetite didn’t go away as i hoped, and i even consulted a traditional chinese practitioner who said i had blocked “chi” lolol. But after some time we realised “hey, what if?”, went to get a pregnancy kit, and yay! We are going to have a third little baby in the family!
Though happy, but it was an unexpected news and we had already booked a family trip to overseas in October. But with my past records of healthy pregnancy, we just go ahead with the plan and packed our bags to Laos.
It was a much needed trip after working so hard, and was happy that one of my closest friend got to join in as well, who helped me to play or carry the little ones, so i was not overtired in the trip.
I was cautious myself too, in the food intake as well as keeping the travel pace slow and easy. But one day after a little hiking and on the way back to our stay, i felt a pop, and trickling of water started to flow down on my thigh
I was horrified and stunned. Many things went through my mind, and i couldn’t stop having all those crazy thoughts. And once we reached our hotel and when i stood up from the seat, i saw, the blood
We booked the next earliest flight back, and though i was sad to not able to enjoy the rest of my trip (especially i had reserve the best stay for the rest of the nights, and a great front row seat for the flight back), but with an equally full flight, surprisingly we have got one middle front row seat, which was not too bad, and an empty seat for my husband’s row at the back, which provided a bit of room for the kiddos to sleep in that 4-hour flight back. So though i was grieving and couldn’t stop my tears on the flight back, somehow this little things has comforted me greatly!
The next day we went to the hospital, totally prepared to what was coming, but surprisingly, tadaa, we were greeted with a little wiggle and a strong heartbeat. Meh. What a roller coaster ride! We were both abit caught off guard, as we came for the worst. I even had an eulogy on the flight back!
After this episode, life goes on but with a little more cautious, i avoided carrying heavy stuffs (including my dear kids), and not accepting new jobs except those that i had already noted on. But when i thought everything was going fine, bam, blood again
Rushed to the hospital and found out there was a bigger blood clot in the womb, and i was immediately admitted to hospital for bed rest. Though i was worried, but with the great care from the hospital, as well as the supports from the husband and family, i went home 4-day later and continue to had bed rest at home. That was also the time my interview was out on the November issue of Marie Claire, and it was a great news to share with my family albeit the worrying situation.
Till this time my doctor had already inform us that i was in a high risk pregnancy, because i have been having few times of bleeding. I was fully aware and just continue to be careful, almost like a queen in the house not doing anything, maybe except doing my calligraphy and stories/singing session with my kids.
And my favorite month December is here! A month of celebration, happiness, warmth, and food!! Yet, since start of the month twice i woke up soaked in blood. It was like a scene in horror movie. But as there was no pain and it was not fresh blood, we just monitor closely but nothing much can be done. And when i thought, that was it, sigh, another thing happened.
Last Thursday night when i was watching the TV, suddenly i experienced serious chest pain, and difficulty in breathing, it was a tough night to sleep and when the sun was up, i went to my doctor in the hospital to check what was going on. And then everything was a blur, as i was suddenly classified as a high risk patient, wheeling in and out from test after test, and finally admitted to ICU for further monitoring
It was the first time i heard of the term pulmonary embolism, though i’m full aware of this as one of my friend had the same diagnosis when she was pregnant and went through a very tough time (2 jabs per day throughout the whole pregnancy and beyond). However i didn’t show alot of the symptoms (difficulty in breathing, coughing, dizzy), only chest pain. So i was just being closely monitored, but no treatment was given.
However after few days in the ICU the pain didn’t subside, so i was transferred out from the private hospital to one of the biggest government hospital in town as they have better equipment to diagnose it. It was another new experience as i have never step foot in government hospital before, even though the environment is really not in tip-top condition, but the professionalism of the doctors and nurses, and the care they have given to me provided much comfort for me and my husband during this tough time
There were alot of decisions needed to be made during this period: to transfer, not to transfer? Private or government hospital? To maintain the treatment or look for second opinion? To do CT scan or don’t do it? As mentioned though i was suspected with Pulmonary Embolism (P.E.), the doctors couldn’t start the treatment with me as clinically i didn’t look like one (i’m one of the energetic one in the 50-people ward haha), and they needed me to do the CT scan to confirm or rule out.
It was actually one of the toughest decision to make, as we all aware the risk of radiation on baby and the mother. Rejecting initially on this idea, but after given much thought, with the assurance of the doctors and specialists, scan was done and i was immediately transferred to now High Dependency Unit for close monitoring
So here i am, sitting on a quite comfortable hospital bed in this government hospital (with air-cond yay!), and only 6 other mamas-to-be with a 20 over staffs (nurses, doctors and specialists) looking after us. There are still complications, as i’m currently in both medical case (P.E) and gynecology (threatened miscarriage with the constant bleeding), but i know i’m well taken care of. And if you didn’t know, Malaysia has quite a good medical benefits for the citizens, that i know for all these professional treatments i received will not cause a great stress to my already tiring husband.
We still didn’t know what causes the blood clot to form in the womb, which causes the bleeding, but we can now sort of confirm now that the bed rest that i had, as well as drinking not enough water, has caused my blood to be thicken (this is especially so during pregnancy so stay hydrated!), that’s why blood clots were formed and it goes to my lung.
There’s still a long way to go, i can’t share with you now whether this will be a happy ending or otherwise, but i’m quite relief to know the reason. And really thank you to all the well wishes during this time, and especially to my family and my dearest husband, who has given me all the great supports needed. The only regret for me now is that i didn’t get to enjoy this magical season with my 2 kiddos, especially Rae who has been worried and missing me much, but only can receive my updates through the videos recorded everyday
While for Jiunn, well, boy is boy
So now, let me rest on bed again, and write :) weee brush pens, nibs and watercolor time again muahahahahahah
Update on January 2018
A new year, but same old same old. Bleeding still happens everyday, jabbing needs to be done twice a day till delivery, but at least i still can wake up to see the sunrise and the little baby is still moving strong, so am super grateful!